Monday, December 7, 2009

December 7, show me that I can, and I will...

Today was one of those days. It was a Monday. A Monday, sadly, it was not a Monday that was unique to itself. It dawned on me today that I do not like Monday, because for me it is like starting all over again at something that you didn't really like in the first place. It is like coming home from a long vacation, but your home is not really a good, happy, safe, amazingly wonderful place. For me starting back on a Monday is a reminder that I am not really teaching the subject that I have a passion for, nor that way that I believe it should be taught. It is a reminder that I do not like getting up before the sun rises. It is actually not that I do not like it, it is that seriously, it is like an allergy or something. Like the person who is allergic to chocolate, it will surely break them out with zits, so they don't eat it. But, imagine if they were told that they had to.
I mentioned a similar analogie to my students once and a smart young man said, "then why are you a teacher?" Well, he was right on point. The problem is, I never thought about the time I would have to wake up in the morning when I was setting out to make a difference in young people's lives.
Now that I am solidly into this career, (well I am this year) then I have to make the best of it. Making the best of it is close to impossible on a monday morning. Especially when you look out the window and see that it has snowed and your car is covered with the lovely white stuff. You are not sure how bad the roads are, you know you are running short on time as it is, all because you have to make biscuits and gravy for a group of people all against your wishes. Who ever heard of having a food fest when you have to work with kids all day? Seriously, I can barely cop a squat and go peepers, let alone mix and mingle! So, I am facing an entire day of being off kilter. I made it into work with barely a minute to spare. Roads were bad and unfortunately people in this town panic at the slightest snow fall! I was greeted with nonsense, absolute nonsense at every turn. I sank deep into "why in the world am I here" distress.
Well, I made it through my day. Believe me, I could go on and on about the lamentations of ME. Now as I sit on my sofa, Christmas trees lit, supper served, Steve happy and content, (he just made me happy too, as he cleaned up supper ; {} ) and me typing away. It was just a little bit ago as I was putting together my team's quarterly newsletter, just why I am a teacher.
I actually should apologize for being such a scrooge today. I was totally over the edge with intolerance. Now, do not get me wrong, a few of the students that I had to reprimand had it coming. Seriously, they did! But, in hind sight, I want to be like one of my bosses, except for positive emotions, you are not aware that he has any. Only once did I see him really mad. Oh, he makes kids tow the line, but he does with without an emotional change.
I came across this poem, I wrote it about me. It speaks for itself. This poem is the reason I am a teacher. It is why I tried to be a good mom. It is why I struggle so much to just survive at times. It is why at the age of 49, I still do not know what I want to be, really, when I grow up. I guess it is a sign that like my 14 year old students, I am just trying to get by. Like them, I resent being pulled away from my comfortable home, and bed too soon in the morning. It is why sometimes I just need someone to teach me, show me, help me...

Teach me how to say “I Can”
I never really learned that phrase
It is something practiced everyday
For most…
Teach me how to reach to stars
I never really stretched that far
It is something reached for
Far away…
Teach me how to sail the seas
I never really set my sails
It is something only sailors dream
Isn’t it…
Teach me how you live each day
I never really took that breath
That fills and expands
A life…
Teach me how to be myself
I was never really introduced
Robbed at birth and forced to be
Someone else not me…
Teach me how to love
I only know how to say
Three words,
I practice everyday…
Show me that I can, I am

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